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I needed a chance to go home and shower and change clothes. It might be nice to see my husband again too. Darren has been great. He sat with her for a couple of hours yesterday to give me a break but I couldn't ask him to do it again. You know that he really doesn't like mom." He used to get along with her fine until..." I let it drop. "But now, maybe it's not that he doesn't like her. Maybe he's just afraid that if you spend too much time around her, you'll become her, and he loves you Sammie. Except for me, I can't think of anyone else who loves you as much as he does." So you really love me daddy?" she asked."Always have, always will Angel," I said."Then why can't you be nicer to Mom, for me?" she asked. "Why can't you just find it in your heart to try to just be friendly with her?" First of all, because sometimes I can't find my heart," I snapped. "That bitch in the bed tore it out while it was still beating." Sammie's eyes opened in shock at the bitterness and anger in my. I knew they would be back soon because allthe other girls would target them first. Sitting there inthe sand with my back to the school wall I don’t think Iwas ever more depressed before or since. I simply couldnot get over the shame of what had happened to me, or thefear that I would be caught. I also knew that I couldnever go into the back yard alone again!I sat there for most of recess, and then went insideearly before the bell rang, to use the restroom. Theremainder of the day went by slowly but without incidentand I took the bus towards home. When I got off the bus Ichecked my little watch, 2:30, and it would take me aboutthirty minutes to walk home which meant I should havetime to clean the grass before mom and dad got home. AllI had to do was get home safely which considering whathappened the day before was a very daunting prospect.So instead of walking I ran. At this point in my life mybody was closer to Melinda’s than it was to Terry’s. Ididn’t have.
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